State of the Union: Where I am in my Writing.

 

Me when I should be writing.

Mary Mother of God, I have been procrastinating so hard lately. I mean the only writing I have done are my short snippets on prose. This is a bad thing. Just like the stream of consciousness that this post represents. 

Your work, and mine, will never get finished, never get published unless you sit down and write. Then sit down and edit. Then sit down and edit and re-write. Proof Edit. Publish...

If you can afford it hire and editor. If not pass your work off to people you know and trust, ones that will be honest. 

I dread editing and re-writing. I know it is in part because the tedious nature of the task, but it is also due to fear of failure. I see my writing and think that it is crap, then I try to re-write it and decide that is worse.

This is not always the case, sometimes I look back at what I wrote and see brilliance and that inspires me to work. 

But mostly I see crap. 

You probably will too, unless you are a prodigy and supremely confident. If so, piss off. I hate you...not really, that is just jealousy talking.

I know I should be writing, but recently I just go to the gym after work then come back to my drab apartment and sit on the couch watching YouTube or playing videogames. Distraction and procrastination. I need someone to lock me in a room with my typewriter, laptop sans internet and games, and my research notes (probably a thesaurus too, I suck at synonyms sometimes). 

I write better when I know it is the only thing to do. Like at work...when I do not have a project (things have been slow lately). I can write and edit like a beast at work. 

At home, not so much.

I need to add in a bunch of details into my story, like things I thought of for certain scenes after writing them or historical details that bring the story to life. I need to come up with a good ending as well and my mind cannot seem to work. I cannot think of anything. Writer's block is real people.

Just sitting down to do that is so hard right now. 

I have been somewhat depressed due to the isolation of the corona virus BS, where I live, and boredom with life. I want to travel and experience the world and I have been unable to do that because of Grad school last year and the Corona this year. Depression is shit. I just want to lay on the couch and do nothing even though a small part of my mind, trapped behind the haze, is screaming for me to do something. All the things I love to do, that I can do in my area, seem bland and flavorless. I have no energy or passion right now. 

I am hoping for this miasma of dull mindedness clears off soon and I can return to writing with energy and passion. I need an adventure, like Bilbo Baggins in the Hobbit. I need to leave my comfort zone, get out into the world (Corona be damned) and find a jolt of life. 

If you feel the same way or are depressed, feel free to reach out to me. Talking can help, even if it is hard, especially with someone going through the same thing. 

For now, stay strong, push through, and write. Let the writing consume you and invigorate your soul.