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Quinn Chapman and the Altar of Evil I

Quinn Chapman and the Altar of Evil The flames of Hades flickered off the rough hewn walls of the cavern as I stumbled my way deeper into the earthen maw. Acrid, black smoke invaded my eyes, blurring my vision and clouding my lungs. Dark voices shouted in a rhythmic chant somewhere beyond the hall of fire through which I now walked. My body was cut and bruised; my clothes turned to rags barely clinging to my sweat glistened flesh.  What maligned road led me to my current state of depravity? My mind flickered back to that fateful day in the warrens of Singapore, to one of the myriad of seedy opium dens lining the alleys. It was there that I found the remnants of the infamous Anglo explorer Sir Percival Covington.  I pushed back the shoddy veil of the curtain to find Sir Percival upon his back, clad in sweat-stained khaki and a weeks' worth of grime. So much for the hero of the British Empire. His glazed eyes alighted upon me, and a flicker of recognition danced across his ruddy face

Dopamine the Writing Distraction

Dopamine the Writing Distraction

I have been watching these videos on YouTube, also a distraction, about Dopamine addiction and I found out this is one reason I cannot write! Of course, there are a thousand other reasons as to why I cannot sit down to edit or write but identifying the cause can lead to the solution. It's like alcoholism, once you admit you're an alcoholic then you can start addressing the fact that you are an alcoholic.

Dopamine is like a drug addiction.
I am an alcoholic...or a dope addict...no, that's not right...Well technically it is. I, and most other people in the 21st century, are dopamine addicts. Whether its social media, YouTube reels, TikTok, or Pornhub. The source doesn't matter, the rush for more and more superfluous content does. 

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter, or a pleasure and reward chemical that sends signals inside our grey matter. 

According to Verywell Mind (https://www.verywellmind.com/can-you-get-addicted-to-dopamine-5207433): 

"When you do something that you like the feeling of your brain sends a signal of pleasure to your brain.2 Then, you associate that activity with the feeling of pleasure. When that happens, it can become difficult to separate the physical occurrence from the feeling of pleasure it gave you.

It's normal to then remember that experience as something that provided you with good feelings.

Dopamine is important in our everyday lives outside of feelings of pleasure. It plays a role in everything from motivation to mood to memory. Having a healthy level of dopamine is necessary, and if your body isn't producing enough, it can lead to problems such as depression and insomnia."

There are many activities that lead to dopamine release, but I want to specifically focus on the ones with which I have personal experience. In this case chasing the rabbit down the YouTube hole and video games. 

Note: It is the activity that leads to the release of dopamine that people become addicted to, no dopamine itself. 

YouTube is a blessing and a curse, much like any form of modern technology. Yes, there is a shit-ton of excellent and informative content to be found there. Product reviews, documentaries, how-to videos, etc. There is an equal or greater amount of dumb shit like the tide pod challenge. Morons doing anything for notoriety (the Paul brothers...fuck, I hate them so much). 

When I browse YouTube, it is mostly for the informative or how-to style of videos. I do occasionally drift off into the dumb or generally useless stuff and I shame myself for it. The problem is that I end up watching just one more video each time. Just one more, then I will shut it off and start doing something meaningful...aka writing. Hell, I don't even finish half the videos that I start before going back to the main page and starting the next one. Part of this could be my ADD, but not all of it. 

I do the same thing with video games. I'll just boot up the old PlayStation and play for an hour. An hour passes and I just say to myself, I'll finish one more quest or I'll do one more mission. Before I know what in the hell is happening its 10 PM and I am still glued to the controller. 

Shame is sticky...

I like watching YouTube and playing video games, they give me pleasure, so I seek more and more for that dopamine release. It is also how I procrastinate. Doing one or both protects me from my own self-doubt and criticism. Too much of a good thing is definitely bad.

meditating on a beach at sunrise

The question now becomes how do I stop it? Much like any other form of addiction there are steps you can take to break the vicious cycle. When I figure out what those are, and actually implement them, I will make another post.

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